i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hatei hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me hate i hate me
I really angry with myself sometimes. My face shows most things that is in my heart directly! I'm saying about the MOOD changing. It changes fast and with no reserve, it automatically reveals on my face. This is certainly bad! I have tried hard to reserve them though, but i just cant handle it; probably yes sometimes but only for a few seconds. I thought i would have overcome this today and act as per any other normal (happy) day. The reality proved me wrong!!! Again, it happened. I just didn't know what and how to handle myself... sorry...
I drove at 100 km/h at the busy LDP headed to home. Like the feeling of speed suddenly. After fetched sis to the KTM station, i got back home and went into my room. I took a deep breath and screamed hard at my pillow twice. Looked into the mirror and then cried for no obvious reason. I hope to get my screams / shouts at the sea or on a mountain though. But for the time being, the pillow will do. Still can feel the aftermath of screaming hard now... not so good. Aikss... but at least, those screams really work! I feel a liltle better now :p
It's BLUE... the colour of my heart is blue now... How long will it takes to change to orange colour completely?? Did i just say completely? It's COMPLETELY!! How could i strike the balance between the two extremely conflicting moods inside me now? Tell me what can i do please... I'm kinda lost here... How would u do with cracks of a glass...? Do u glue it? tape it? ignore it? throw it? or....?
The feeling of insecureness is just sucks. I hate it. I have this feeling now... through my senses, my views and my hearing... People are doing things for the sake of a better look at the surface... the realities are all behind the screens. Aren't these people scary? I was taken aback though. Is this what the working world which we will be stepping in soon like? I think so... after the experience of being a Marketing Assistant in an international company. Yeah, working world (not working life yeah...) is scary... But still, this is life... i'll love the challenges there!
Most things that we used to share once upon a time are no longer sharable now. Is it because we have all grown up? or is it the changes in u and me? Why is it often now that an outsider who passes the messege indirectly to me? Are friends becoming more important as one grow older? that they can even ignore the interests of their family... even the normal greetings of HI and BYE....?
No recognition of ur existence... No appreciation of ur efforts... No reality of u!
East Malaysia had the earthquake trauma few days back... I have the trauma of these many many liltle thingy... which in fact accumulated a 7.3 magnitude quake inside me... It's my strong backbones that hold me on... I hope it wont 'break'; oh no... it cannot and should not break actually!
